


Fix A Heart

by jaymie



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, Faberry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-26
Updated: 2013-10-26
Packaged: 2017-12-30 12:53:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1018863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaymie/pseuds/jaymie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One year later, and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. She needs closure, and there's only one other person in this world who can provide her with that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fix A Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This idea kind of sprung to me after The Quarterback episode (RIP Cory and Finn; we all love you) but I couldn't get it into words for a while.
> 
> This is a work in progress at the moment, but hopefully it'll be finished soon enough. If you read this, I love you. I hope you enjoy :)
> 
> I'm sorry for any mistakes in this, I read it over a few times and corrected all the ones I could find, so I hope there aren't any left that I missed.
> 
> (Oh, by the way—Kurt and Blaine aren't back together in this, which is why Blaine isn't living with them or anything)
> 
> [[PS, I'm from the UK so if you're from the US or wherever and see anything that I've done wrong (things like dates, times, etc, anything really), please bear with me on that because it's most likely very different in the UK]].

#### New Haven




1.

"Rachel?"

She doesn't answer. She's pretending to be asleep so he'll go away, even though she's been awake for three and a half hours. It's 7:35am now.

He knocks softly on the door and calls her name again. She still ignores him and she soon hears him walk away into the kitchen.

Letting out a sigh that is a mixture of both relief and frustration, she sits up in bed and stares at the wall opposite the end of her bed. On that wall is a calendar. The page showing is May. May 16th in the calendar is circled in a red heart, even though it didn't need to be. There was no way she could ever forget that date. Even if she tried to forget, which she never would, it would still be engraved into her mind and heart for the rest of her life.

It's the day she lost someone special. It's the day she lost someone who meant more to her than anybody else did. It's the day she lost someone she loved more than she had ever loved anybody else. It's the day she lost her whole world. It's the day she lost her heart. It's the day she lost the feeling of love and happiness. It's the day she lost a part of her.

A part of her that she couldn't ever get back.

Nobody else in this world would ever be able to reward her with giving that part back to her. Only him. And he was gone now.

It's been exactly a year now, and things still don't seem to be getting any easier. She's done a lot over the past year to take things regarding that specific event off of her mind. Those things include completing her freshman year at NYADA and starting her sophomore, taking extra shifts on at the Spotlight diner, winning the winter showcase at NYADA for the second consecutive time, playing Fanny Brice in the Broadway revival of Funny Girl, and starting a Madonna cover band with Kurt, Santana, Dani and Elliott. Or as he preferred to be called, “Starchild”.

Those things have been fun. They've given her a little bit of relief over the past year. They've taken pressure off of her. They've lifted huge weights off her shoulders. She's so grateful for all of them—and all of the people who have helped her with them all; who have helped her through the darkest year of her life—but now that the one year anniversary has rolled around, she's spiraling back down that road of sadness again.

She knows it's not what Finn would want, not at all, but she can't help it. It's the only way she knows how to get through it, even though it's actually what's stopping her from getting through it. Her friends have tried to point that out to her more than a few times, but she's never listening.

Sadness, grief and regret is all she has right now.

Stretching her arms up and out, she climbs out of bed and lifelessly saunters over to her dressing table. She sits down on the pink cushioned stool and pulls open one of the drawers, beginning to sort through it aggressively. She's not even entirely sure—or even _remotely_ sure, for that matter—what she's looking for, but she keeps sorting through.

Then she sees it.

As soon as she sees it at the bottom of the drawer under a pile of other worthless rubbish, she knows that it's exactly what she had been looking for.

A small, white train ticket with black writing on it.

It's such a simple thing and yet it suddenly means the world to her. It means more to her than she'd ever known something so small and practically worthless ever could.

"New York to New Haven," she murmurs quietly, staring down at it in her hands.

Making a quick, snappy thinking decision in her mind, she places the ticket down on the dressing table and shuts the drawer with force, leaping off the stool and walking over to her bed. Rachel kneels down at the side of it, and reaches underneath it, pulling out a pink suitcase. She heaves it onto her bed and flips it open. It's empty. She hadn't used it since her last visit to Lima, which had been a little under a year ago. That was for the memorial. The memory pains her. It stings badly.

*

Forty-five minutes later, she's done.

Kurt, Santana and Dani (who quite often stayed over at their apartment; last night had been one of those nights; sometimes the others wondered why she didn't just move in with them, it wasn't like she was never _not_ here) had heard some shuffling about in her room, but they hadn't wanted to pry. Instead they sat around the kitchen table, waiting patiently for when Rachel eventually came out to talk.

She comes out of her room, still in her pajamas, and walks into the kitchen to find the three of them sat there in awkward silence.

"Hi," she says quietly, and watches as they all suddenly become alert and look up at her with concerned eyes. "Please, nobody ask me how I am," she tells them when she watches Kurt's lips part. He quickly snaps his mouth shut again and Rachel cracks a faint smile. "I'm better than I was a year ago, I guess. But I could be better." She can feel the tears springing to her eyes and she smiles gratefully as Dani pulls out a chair next to her at the table.

Sniffling a little, she slowly sits down and tucks the chair in. "I promised myself that when this day finally came, I was going to be better than this. I told myself I was going to stay strong and treat it like any other normal day. But I guess that I'm not strong enough to do that." She looked down shamefully at her lap. "I'm struggling to keep it all together."

Santana smiles sadly at her best friend. "I don't want to pry, Rachel, really, I don't, but...what's going on? What were you doing in your room for all that time?"

She bites down nervously on her bottom lip. "I was packing my suitcase."

Three alarmed eyes suddenly stare at her in confusion and disbelief, and three jaws are dropped down to the table.

"Packing? Where are you going?" Kurt questions, quickly feeling guilty for the harsh tone in his voice. "Sorry," he mumbles awkwardly.

She shakes her head. It didn't matter. "I'm going to New Haven," she said slowly and quietly, as if slightly afraid of their reactions to that. (Especially Santana's and Kurt's. Dani didn't really know what the New Haven thing was about.) Well, Rachel really was sort of afraid of their reactions.

"New Haven?" asks Dani. "What are you going down there for?"

"Quinn," Santana answers instantly and lifelessly. She knows exactly why Rachel is going there. It's for Quinn. "Quinn is there."

"Rachel..." Kurt trails off, seeing the sadness in his best friend's eyes. He can't stand to see her cry, and he knows the tears are coming. "You don't have to go."

"No, Kurt, I do," she protests.

Nobody had seen or heard for Quinn in a very long time. Not since Mr Schuester and Ms Pillsbury's fail of a wedding. Quinn didn't even get in touch with anyone when Finn passed. She didn't answer emails, calls, voicemails, or texts. Not even Rachel's. She didn't go back to Lima. She didn't come to New York. She didn't make an attempt to talk to or see anyone.

Some assumed that she just didn't care. Others wondered if she even knew what had happened. Perhaps she didn't think it was important and ignored everybody just because she was trying to leave her Lima life in, well, Lima.

Whatever her reasons were, Rachel had finally come to the realization that she needed to see her. She needed to speak to her. And if Quinn wasn't going to answer her calls or other attempts at getting in touch, then she knew that there was only one other option left. She needed to take that train pass Quinn had given her days before graduation and she needed to hop on that train to New Haven. Quinn obviously had no plans of coming to New York, so Rachel knew she had to take it upon herself to go to her.

"I need to see her," she continues. "It's been a year, Kurt, and I need to see her. I can't _not_ see her. She might not even know. She probably does, but I've got to speak to her. And this is the only way. I've packed a bag, I plan on going down there for a few days. If she's moved, and I can't possibly find her, maybe only a few hours."

"So what are you going to do if she has moved?" Santana urges. "You'll be coming straight back home, right?"

She gulps. "I'll try to find her. Someone in her apartment building, or even the reception, must know where she's gone to. I'll try to find her. I'll be persuasive. I'll ask around. If there really is no hope of finding her, I'll give up and come home. But only then. If she's there, if I find her, I'll be staying with her for a little while as long as she's okay with it. I'm sorry I'm doing this but I just need to. It might be my only way of getting closure. I can only get it from her, I just know it."

Her three friends exchanged glances, and Kurt and Santana gave each other a little nod.

"Then go," Santana prompted. "If you believe you need to this, then we won't stop you. We only want what's best for you right now and we trust that you know what's best. If this is what you're sure is best, than go."

"You need to do this, Rachel," Kurt agreed. "I can tell by looking into your eyes that you do."

She nodded. "I really do," she whispered. "The only way I'm ever going to get through this is by seeing her. I think she's the only one who can help me through right now. I need some form of relief. I need _closure_." She'd said it before and she was saying it again to get her point across.

"I'll be leaving first thing tomorrow morning," she told her friends. They smiled at her. They still didn't really want her to go down to New Haven, and they definitely weren't happy about the fact that she had insisted she go alone rather than having them accompany her, but she was in an immensely fragile state right now and they couldn't argue with her. She swore she needed to do this, so they were letting her.

*

8am the next morning, she's awake and all sorted; she's ready to leave.

It's coming to the end of her sophomore year of college—there's only another four days left. There's no need for her to stick around. She's contacted the dean of students at NYADA and they understood her situation and her reasons. There's nothing to stop her from going now.

Her train leaves just after nine, and she's getting out of the apartment an hour earlier to make sure she arrived exactly on time, even though she knows she will. She doesn't want to risk leaving late, despite there being several other trains that she could catch if she misses this one. She wants to get into New Haven as soon as possible. She doesn't want to wait to see Quinn.

She's so desperate that she's even done a little bit of snoopy research, or whatever you want to call it. She'd been on the Yale website to check the official school schedule. Their school year had already finished and they were one week into their summer. This was perfect because it meant that Quinn wouldn't be at school, and would hopefully be home. Unless she'd headed out somewhere, but she was silently praying that she hadn't.

"I'm going to miss the three of you," she murmurs, embracing her three closest friends in a hug. She'd called Elliott the previous evening to tell him she was leaving for a little while, and he told her he understood and that he hoped everything was okay. He knew what day it was and he knew how much emotional pain she must have been in.

"We're going to miss you too, even though it's only going to be a few days," Kurt replied, nestling his head into the crook of her neck before the four-way hug broke apart.

"Try to have a good time in New Haven, won't you?" Santana advised. "I know you're not exactly going down there for fun, but you don't want to be all gloomy and miserable. See if you can get Quinn in a lightened up mood. Lighten up yourself. Have fun."

Rachel smiled again. "Thanks. I will."

"I hope everything works out," Dani told her. "We'll see you in a few days."

She looked at the time. "I'll miss my train if I don't leave now. I love you all. Thank you for being so supportive and caring of me over the past year. I know it's been hard for you guys too. I know I haven't exactly been easy to handle. Thanks for never giving up on me."

It was almost as if she was leaving for good; like she was never going to see them again. Or at least not for a very, very long time, anyway.

Strangely enough, a small part of her felt like she _was_ going for good. Like she _was_ never going to see them again. Or at least, again, not for a very long time.

*

Almost four hours later, she's climbing out of a cab and paying the driver $20 (the price was $10, she had been considerate and let him keep the change). In front of her is a large building full of apartments. She looks down at the little note with Quinn's address on. It had been paper clipped to the Metro North pass.

She looks up again at the building. She's definitely in the right place.

Gulping, she headed towards the doors of the building and walked right in. She'd never been in New Haven before, so if was sort of overwhelming for her. It wasn't anywhere near as busy as New York, but it was much busier than Lima. It was just right, to be honest. Kind of in the middle.

Quinn's apartment was number 27B. That was the second floor.

With her pink suitcase in her right hand, and the address paper in her left, she stepped into the lift and pressed the button. Only a few short moments later, she was stepping out of the lift on floor two.

Across from the elevator was a small sign fixed on the wall that read “Apartments 1B - 100B". Yes, she was definitely on the right floor. If she had studied the map of the building correctly, all she had to do was turn left, turn right, go straight down that corridor and then Quinn's apartment should be the fourteenth on the left side.

Even though each mahogany door had the number in gold letters/figures attached to it, Rachel counted the doors on the left as she walked along, just to be sure. It didn't take long before she counted thirteen and then fourteen. When she looked up at the door, she wasn't surprised to see “27B” in gold.

Suddenly, she felt nervous and scared. She felt anxious and was in doubt. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea after all. Perhaps her friends had been right in not wanting her to go. Perhaps she should just turn around right now and head home.

No, she couldn't. She was here now and she wasn't going until she'd done what she came here to do.

She came here to see Quinn. She came here to talk to Quinn. She came here to stay with Quinn for a while. She wasn't leaving for New York until she had done all of that. No way.

Taking a deep breath, she took a few steps forward until she was stood right outside of the girl's apartment. Hiding her pink suitcase slightly behind her back—even though it would still be fully visible to Quinn anyway, so there was really no point; she just didn't want it to be the first thing Quinn noticed when she opened the door—she lifted her arm up and knocked lightly on the door.

Had that been too lightly?

She moved her fist to knock again a little louder this time, but she stopped with her arm still in mid-air when she heard the shuffling of feet on their way to door inside the apartment.

Her arm dropped to her side.

Oh, no. She wasn't ready to do this. She didn't want to do this anymore, she really didn't.

No, no. She _did_ want to do this. She did. And she was going to. She wasn't leaving until she'd gotten this over with. She wasn't wasting a trip. She was going to do this.

"I'm coming," a husky voice inside said.

Quinn definitely still lived here. That had definitely been Quinn Fabray's voice.

That voice brought the nerves up again, but she swallowed them down. It was nothing to be afraid of. It was only Quinn Fabray, her former close friend whom she was so very desperate to see.

The door opened, and she braced herself for what was about to happen next.

"Hi," she said as calmly as she could, forcing a faint smile when she and Quinn came face to face on different sides of the doorway. Quinn was still beautiful. She was still taller than Rachel and she was still a perfect blonde.

She was dressed scruffily in sweatpants, a Yale hoodie, and had bunny slippers on her feet. Her hair was wavy and was tied up in a messy high pony. Her front fringe was out on her forehead, and Rachel couldn't help but think it looked cute with her face shape. Despite not being dressed up at all, Quinn somehow still managed to look effortlessly good.

"R-Rachel."

Rachel couldn't tell whether or not Quinn was pleased to see her.


End file.
